MOTLEY 25!

Promises lost : Promises kept...

"What happened Aishwarya? I remember you used to write a lot, once upon a time", remarks the 'best-friend'. I think to myself, yes, I also thought Avril Lavigne was my idol...and get heart-broken over things that did not matter in the long run.  

But now, I have hit the 25th hurdle; and I laugh off at the blonde Avril, pay my own bills, have my views on politics, and count my blessings (the few that I have).

Years have passed, and people, I, we have grown apart from the people we once used to be; there's nothing wrong in that. Change is necessary for evolution, and in most cases, sustenance. Some of us may have changed as drastically as our personalities, some of us may have turned coarser with the due roughage of time, while a few of us may be closer to being what we always dreamt of being. 

It's been a journey; starting from the naive hopefulness for this wonder-roaring splendour called 'life' only to end-up at the cross-roads. Finding the one and losing it: crying over love and self-doubt may have filled the dashes of adolescence. Then comes the much touted part of life; getting a job! You think, now is the chance for me to shine; all those recent years that I spent my life obsessing about this question mark- I will now find the full-stop to answer it. For some they make it to that run of the pen point which inks the right answers; while most of us run out of ink. You find yourself spinning in that whirlpool of nothingness; dilemma and confusion to give you broken company. 

As a way to defend one's being, our inherent reaction for preservation is denial or escapisim. Very few actually take the route of  reality. Then, as luck would have it; you Fall in Love; perhaps with work or with someone who should ideally keep you happy. 

The story so far... but here's my version; while the past maybe crippling but the crux of the matter is everyone has had some part of their lives that they would want to delete. I have come across people that in their own selfish ways have disrupted a lot about my life; I have cried more over friends than love. But I am learning to make peace with it. While, I have seen the bad, I have also seen the good; seen myself for what I am, how I am, my strength and my weaknesses. My failures have only gotten me closer to getting where I want to be. It's only when you accept that life is what it is that you can truly move on. 

I live through my experience; each one makes me stronger and wiser. 

Today, I live in a rented house in this urban mystery called the Maximum City ( Mumbai). I have my share of ups and downs. But I am more earnest, more sincere, more aware and mostly ; capable of being a real person. 

I haven't found the answers to all my questions but I am more closer to finding them, than I ever was. There is no guarantee that I ever will, truly, but I am trying.... Following your dream isn't a two plus two equals to four. It's random, twisted and sometimes depends upon what alcohol you were drinking the last night. 

I once read that everybody has a destiny to fulfill; some are born to conquer, some to love, while for some it's an emotional quest. Eventually we may not get all of what we wanted, but, we do get a little of what we wanted and a little of what was rightfully needed. 

Just have a little faith; go find something that makes you smile. 

The best memories that I have are the ones from the figments of my imagination- I dream that I am going to wake up to a vast expanse of green fields and lavender farms; i romanticize about foreign lands and cultures I am yet to see.....